Crystal Bernard

Big Ain't Bad
Average customer rating: 3 out of 5 stars
  • Little Effect
  • Awful...."Ricky Peaches"
  • interesting film
  • Big Ain't Bad...especially in the case of this film.
Big Ain't Bad
Starring: Phyllis Stickney , Tico Wells , Reginald Ballard , Jade Janise Dixon , and Mike Ngaujah
Director: Ray Culpepper
Manufacturer: Big Ain't Bad Prod
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

GeneralGeneral | Comedy | Genres | DVD | Video
GeneralGeneral | Romantic Comedies | Comedy | Genres | DVD | Video
( S )( S ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video | Saalman, Raelyn | Sabatino, Joe | Sabato Jr., Antonio | Sabela, Simon | Sabella, Ernie | Sabu | Sachs, Adrienne | Sachs, Robin | Sacks, Michael | Sada, Keiji | Sade | Sadler, Nicholas | Sadler, William | Sagal, Katey | Sagalevitch, Anatoly M | Sage, David | Saget, Bob | Sagoes, Ken | Sahagun, Elena | Sahara, Kenji | Saiet, Eric | Saint, Eva Marie | Saire, Rebecca | Saito, James | Sakai, Frankie | Sakelaris, Anastasia Nicole | Saklofsky, Danielle | Saks, Gene | Sakurai, Kitao | Saladin, Olivier | Salas, Hank | Saldana, Theresa | Saleem, Damon | Salem, Kario | Salem, Pamela | Salenger, Meredith | Sales, Soupy | Sali, Richard | Salinas, Carmen | Salinger, Diane | Salinger, Emmanuel | Salinger, Matt | Salisbury, Benjamin | Salkey, Jason | Salle, Eriq La | Salley, John | Salmi, Albert | Salminen, Matti | Salmon, Colin | Salo, Elina | Salt, Jennifer | Salvatori, Renato | Salvo, Anne De | Samie, Catherine | Samms, Emma | Sampson, Holly 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Jennifer | Saunders, Nancy | Saunders, Terry | Savage, Fred | Savage, John | Savalas, Telly | Savant, Doug | Saviano, Josh | Savidge, Jennifer | Savini, Tom | Savino, Joe | Saviola, Camille | Sawa, Devon | Sawalha, Julia | Sawyer, Joe | Saxon, John | Sayle, Alexei | Sayles, Francis | Sayles, John | Saylor, Syd | Sbaraglia, Leonardo | Sbarge, Raphael | Scacchi, Greta | Scala, Gia | Scaldati, Franco | Scales, Prunella | Scalia, Jack | Scandlin, Rick | Scannell, Kevin | Scarabelli, Michele | Scardino, Don | Scardino, Hal | Scarfe, Alan | Scarfe, Jonathan | Scarpa, Renato | Scarwid, Diana | Schaal, Richard | Schaal, Wendy | Schaefer, Joshua | Schafer, Natalie | Schallert, William | Scharf, Sabrina | Schau, Finn | Schedeen, Anne | Scheider, Roy | Scheitz, Clemens | Schell, Catherine | Schell, Maria | Schell, Maximilian | Schell, Ronnie | Schellenberg, August | Schenck, Wolfgang | Schenkkan, Robert | Scherler, Sasha Von | Scherrer, Paul | Scheydt, Karl | Schiaffino, Rosanna | Schiavelli, Vincent | Schiff, Richard | Schildkraut, Joseph | Schiller, Norbert | Schilling, Gus | Schilling, Laurent | Schilling, Vivian | Schiltz, Delphine | Schirmacher, Grayson Victor | Schlatter, Charlie | Schlesinger, John | Schloss, Zander | Schluter, Ariane | Schmidt, Marlene | Schmidt, Paul | Schmidt, Trudeliese | Schmitz, Sybille | Schnarre, Monika | Schneider, John | Schneider, Maria | Schneider, Marnie | Schneider, Rob | Schneider, Romy | Schoeffling, Michael | Schoelen, Jill | Schofield, Annabel | Schofield, Leslie | Schoonhoven, Gerrit | Schoppert, Bill | Schott, Bob | Schrage, Lisa | Schram, Bitty | Schreck, Max | Schreiber, Avery | Schreiber, Liev | Schrier, Paul | Schroder, Rick | Schroeder, Barbet | Schroeder, Greta | Schub, Steven | Schuck, John | Schulman, Benji | Schultz, Albert | Schultz, Dwight | Schultz, Julia | Schutz, Maurice | Schwartz, Aaron | Schwartz, Scott | Schwarz, Hanna | Schwarzenegger, Arnold | Schweig, Eric | Schweiger, Til | Schwiers, Ellen | Schwimmer, David | Schwimmer, Rusty | Schwoebel, Kurt | Schygulla, Hanna | Sciorra, Annabella | Scofield, Dean | Scofield, Paul | Scoggins, Tracy | Scolari, Peter | Scorsese, Martin | Scorupco, Izabella | Scott, Adam | Scott, Campbell | Scott, Debralee | Scott, Donovan | Scott, George C | Scott, Jacqueline | Scott, Janette | Scott, Jason Shane | Scott, Judith | Scott, Kathryn Leigh | Scott, Ken | Scott, Kimberly | Scott, Larry B | Scott, Lisa Marie | Scott, Lizabeth | Scott, Martha | Scott, Pippa | Scott, Randolph | Scott, Tom Everett | Scott, Tony | Scott, William Lee | Scott, Zachary | Scotti, Nick | Scotti, Vito | Scotto, Renata | Scourby, Alexander | Scribner, Don | Scrimm, Angus | Scurfield, Matthew | Seabrook, Christine | Seagal, Steven | Seago, Howie | Seagrove, Jenny | Seale, Douglas | Seales, Franklyn | Seaman, David | Searl, Jackie | Sears, Heather | Sebastian, Dorothy | Sebastian, Lobo | Seberg, Jean | Seck, Douta | Secombe, Harry | Secor, Kyle | Secunde, Nadine | Seda, Jon | Sedaka, Neil | 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Adam | Storm, Gale | Stormare, Peter | Stott, Ken | Stover, George | Stowe, Madeleine | Stoyanov, Michael | Stracuzzi, Orazio | Straight, Beatrice | Strain, Julie | Strait, George | Strang, Harry | Strange, Glenn | Strasberg, Lee | Strasberg, Susan | Strassman, Marcia | Stratas, Teresa | Strathairn, David | Stratten, Dorothy | Stratton, Albert | Stratton, John | Strauss, Peter | Strauss, Robert | Streep, Meryl | Streisand, Barbra | Strickland, Amzie | Strickland, Gail | Stricklyn, Ray | Stritch, Elaine | Strittmatter, Cyndi | Strobele, Alexander | Strode, Woody | Stroheim, Erich Von | Strong, Brenda | Strong, Mark | Stroud, Don | Strozier, Henry | Strudwick, Shepperd | Strummer, Joe | Struthers, Sally | Struycken, Carel | Stryker, Amy | Stuart, Eric Morgan | Stuart, Giacomo Rossi | Stuart, Gloria | Stuart, Jason | Stuart, John | Stuart, Laird | Stuart, Maxine | Stuart, Randy | Studer, Cheryl | Studi, Wes | Study, Lomax | Stuhr, Jerzy | Sturges, Shannon | Stuthman, Fred | Styler, Trudie | Subkoff, Tara | Sucharetza, Marla | Suchet, David | Sugawara, Bunta | Sugden, Mollie | Sugimura, Haruko | Sukowa, Barbara | Sullavan, Margaret | Sullivan, Barry | Sullivan, Billy L | Sullivan, Brad | Sullivan, Charlotte | Sullivan, Don | Sullivan, Ed | Sullivan, Francis L | Sullivan, Liam | Sullivan, Sean Gregory | Sullivan, Susan | Sully, Frank | Summer, Donna | Summerfield, Eleanor | Summerville, Slim | Sumners, Rosalynn | Sundquist, Gerry | Surillo, Laura Elena | Surovy, Nicolas | Susi, Carol Ann | Susman, Todd | Sussman, Matthew | Sutera, Paul | Sutherland, Claudette | Sutherland, Donald | Sutherland, Joan | Sutherland, Kiefer | Sutherland, Kristine | Sutorius, James | Sutton, Dudley | Sutton, Grady | Sutton, John | Sutton, Paul | Suvari, Mena | Suzman, Janet | Svenson, Bo | Swain, Dominique | Swain, Howard | Swain, Joanna | Swain, Mack | Swank, Hilary | Swansea, Charleen | Swanson, Brenda | Swanson, Gary | Swanson, Gloria | Swanson, Jackie | Swanson, Jandi | Swanson, Kristy | Swanson, Rochelle | Swart, Rufus | Swayze, Don | Swayze, Patrick | Swedberg, Heidi | Sweeney, Julia | Sweeney, Michelle | Sweeney, Steve | Sweet, Dolph | Sweet, Vonte | Swenson, Inga | Swenson, Jeep | Swenson, Karl | Swerdlow, Tommy | Swetow, Joel | Swift, Clive | Swift, Francie | Swift, Susan | Swindall, Jerry | Swink, Kitty | Swinton, Tilda | Swit, Loretta | Switzer, Bill | Switzer, Carl Alfalfa | Sydney, Basil | Sydow, Max Von | Sykes, Brenda | Sykes, Eric | Sylvester, William | Syms, Sylvia | Syvertsen, Peter | Szapolowska, Grazyna | Szarabajka, Keith | Szeto, Tedd | Szmytka, Elzbieta | Szu, Shih | Szubanski, Magda
Wells, TicoWells, Tico | ( W ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
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ASIN: B0006SSPHG
Release Date: 2005-05-24

Description

Big Ain't Bad is a romantic comedy that redefines the measure of love. Ric (Sean Blakemore) and Natalie (Jenise Dixon) are a happy young couple headed towards marriage after a brief courtship. When Natalie makes an early return home from a business trip and finds her trusted mate in the company of last night's entertainment, the relationship abruptly ends leaving them to travel separate roads to self-discovery. Amidst a series of romantic twists and comedic turns, Big Ain't Bad challenges us to study the superficial elements against which we measure love and value.

Customer Reviews:

3 out of 5 stars Little Effect.......2007-01-19

The movie could not have been that good because I don't even remember it.

1 out of 5 stars Awful...."Ricky Peaches".......2007-01-09

This movie was terrible from a bad script to bad acting. The only bright light was Tico Wells. i am glad that I rented this movie instead of buying it.

3 out of 5 stars interesting film.......2006-01-14

this film deals with relationships&the many things that go down.alot of familiar faces that have done films over the years make there pressence felt here.it's a cool indy film&has a good story line that keeps you interested.pretty cool film.

4 out of 5 stars Big Ain't Bad...especially in the case of this film........2005-05-27

This is a really good independent film that illustrates how people deal with the day to day challenges of all types of relationships. It takes the audience on an emotional rollercoaster as it shows each character's perspective (without taking sides) and offers a valuable moral lesson in the end to its viewers. If you liked the movie "Brothers" I think you'll enjoy this film also.
Young Doctors In Love
Average customer rating: 4 out of 5 stars
  • HeeHeeHee!!!!!!!
  • Gets funnier every time I watch it.
  • Glad to have this one in my library of films.
  • Hilarious movie
  • A good laugh
Young Doctors In Love
Starring: Sean Young , Michael McKean , Gary Friedkin , Kyle T. Heffner , and Rick Overton
Director: Garry Marshall
Manufacturer: MGM (Video & DVD)
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

GeneralGeneral | Comedy | Genres | DVD | Video
SatireSatire | Comedy | Genres | DVD | Video
Sex ComediesSex Comedies | By Theme | Comedy | Genres | DVD | Video
GeneralGeneral | Parody & Spoof | Comedy | Genres | DVD | Video
Bernard, CrystalBernard, Crystal | ( B ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Coleman, DabneyColeman, Dabney | ( C ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Elizondo, HectorElizondo, Hector | ( E ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
MacNee, PatrickMacNee, Patrick | ( M ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
McGinley, TedMcGinley, Ted | ( M ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
McKean, MichaelMcKean, Michael | ( M ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Negron, TaylorNegron, Taylor | ( N ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Overton, RickOverton, Rick | ( O ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Reed, PamelaReed, Pamela | ( R ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Richards, MichaelRichards, Michael | ( R ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Rubinek, SaulRubinek, Saul | ( R ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Stanton, Harry DeanStanton, Harry Dean | ( S ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Young, SeanYoung, Sean | ( Y ) | Actors & Actresses | Stores | DVD | Video
Marshall, GarryMarshall, Garry | ( M ) | Directors | Stores | DVD | Video
All MGM TitlesAll MGM Titles | MGM Home Entertainment | Studio Specials | Stores | DVD | Video
DVDs Under $7.49DVDs Under $7.49 | Today's Deals in DVD | Special Features | DVD | Video
( Y )( Y ) | Titles | Features | DVD | Video
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ASIN: B00062IVK8
Release Date: 2004-12-07

Description

"There's almost always something to laugh at" (Los Angeles Times) at City Hospital, where the amorous young interns think that loveor at least lustis the cure for everything! Michael McKean (A Mighty Wind), Sean Young (Fatal Instinct), Hector Elizondo ("Chicago Hope"), Harry Dean Stanton (Anger Management) and Michael Richards ("Seinfeld") star in this "refreshingly wacky" (LA Herald-Examiner) hospital parody from the director of Overboard and Runaway Bride! The new interns at City Hospital are desperately hoping to survive theirfirst year of residency which could prove difficult, since their minds are on the wrong body parts!But when one of the residents suddenly requires emergency surgery, the young wannabes must pull themselves (and their clothes) together and learn to mind their bedside manners!

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars HeeHeeHee!!!!!!!.......2007-04-22

LOVE this movie... so glad I found it on DVD 'cuz my VHS tape is about worn out from all the viewings! So silly - makes me giggle every single time I watch it! :)

5 out of 5 stars Gets funnier every time I watch it........2007-02-16

This movie is great fun. It is everything from old fashion slapstick comedy, sight gags, and great one liners. This is not for the kids though. The language and partial nudity definately make this a R rated film. Besides a 5 star cast it is probably one of, if not the first, movie that Demi Moore has a speaking part. She is not listed in the credits but does have a speaking part. Check out the movie and see if you can find her part.

5 out of 5 stars Glad to have this one in my library of films........2007-01-12

Shortly after this movie was available on VHS in video stores, my family rented it and found it to be extremely entertaining. After more than 20 years later, we thought it would be fun to see it again. You'd be surprised at how many of my friends have never heard of this movie.

4 out of 5 stars Hilarious movie.......2007-01-11

I loved this movie. I had been waiting for it to make it to DVD. Harry Dean Stanton as Dr. Oliver Wendel Ludwig, "Taste like plain old piss to me." LOL

4 out of 5 stars A good laugh.......2007-01-10

This movie is full of forced humour but it's very fun to watch.
High School USA
Average customer rating: 4 out of 5 stars
  • Another High School movie
  • Cute movie from the 80s
  • What's this????
  • An old favorite brought back...
  • Amazing! It wasn't a dream!
High School USA
Starring: Michael J. Fox , Nancy McKeon , Todd Bridges , Angela Cartwright , and Bob Denver
Director: Rodney Amateau
Manufacturer: Trinity Home Ent
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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Similar Items:
  1. Teen Wolf & Teen Wolf Too
  2. Midnight Madness
  3. For Love Or Money
  4. Secret Admirer (1985) (Widescreen Edition)
  5. License to Drive (Special Edition)

ASIN: B0001WTVGG
Release Date: 2004-05-04

Customer Reviews:

3 out of 5 stars Another High School movie.......2007-05-17

A good cast of 80's characters. Unfortunately, this movie belongs in the 80's.

3 out of 5 stars Cute movie from the 80s.......2007-02-08

This is a typical high school 80's movie. It is not a very good movie because it is so predictible and full of clichés. On the other hand, for nostalgia reasons and for the fun of seeing again some teen actors that we liked then and some that became famous accomplished actors (such as Michael J. Fox among others) I would recommend it. Moreover, if we compare this movie with today's teen comedies (that are often more vulgar and gross than funny), this movie is not that bad. There is a certain innocence that makes this movie sweet. Although I doubt today's teenagers will like it, High School USA may bring back good memories for peoples between the age of 25 and 35.

4 out of 5 stars What's this????.......2006-09-18

I've never heard of this movie before. I liked Michael J. Fox from his Family Ties days. This looked like a funny and interesting movie to watch. Which it was by the way. I don't suggest buying this because this is not something you would watch more than once in my opinion. I think it would be better to rent it if you want to watch it. Still a good movie.

5 out of 5 stars An old favorite brought back..........2005-12-21

My older brother taped this off of TV years ago and it always became a running joke amongst myself and my siblings. I was so excited to see it put onto DVD. The movie itself is pure camp, but that it what makes it so enjoyable. It is the epitome of 80's made-for-tv-movies with all the great stars of that time. I highly recommend this for a laugh.

5 out of 5 stars Amazing! It wasn't a dream!.......2005-02-06

I had this movie on tape from tv probably close to 18 years ago...? Maybe that long...? Anyway, I lost the tape of course and could never remember the name of this movie. I was shocked to see this on Amazon for such a low price. If you like 80's movies with pretty much every great 80's up & commers actors/actresses, buy this!!! If you can't appreciate JJ Manners charm than why are you even reading this?
Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus
Average customer rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • Very cute and funny Christmas movie
  • single santa seeks mrs. claus
  • charming wonderful what more can iIsay
  • Not a good overall movie
  • single santa
Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus
Starring: Crystal Bernard , Thomas Calabro , Steve Guttenberg , Diane Robin , and Armin Shimerman
Director: Harvey Frost
Manufacturer: Good Times Video
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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Similar Items:
  1. A Boyfriend for Christmas
  2. Santa Jr.
  3. Eve's Christmas
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ASIN: B000AJJMXW
Release Date: 2005-11-08

Description

DVD: 05-51362 Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus Steve Guttenberg (Three Men and a Baby), Crystal Bernard (Wings), and Thomas Calabro (Melrose Place) star in a Christmas charmer about Santa's son and his search for a wife. Nick (Guttenberg) is due to replace his retiring father, and needs a Mrs. Claus, so Santa's adviser sends him down to Southern California. There he meets Beth Sawtelle (Bernard), a workaholic widow whose advertising job with Andrew West (Calabro) leaves precious little time for her son, Jake (Dominic Scott Kay). Concealing his identity, Nick stars in a series of Christmas commercials for the agency as he tries to make sure Jake and Beth both believe in Santa Claus—no easy task in her case! Running Time: Approx. 85 Minutes/Color/NTSC/Stereo

Customer Reviews:

4 out of 5 stars Very cute and funny Christmas movie.......2007-03-09

I enjoyed this movie and will include it in my yearly Christmas movie watching at Christmas time.

5 out of 5 stars single santa seeks mrs. claus.......2007-02-21

This is a very good way to order movies. It was very easy and fast.

5 out of 5 stars charming wonderful what more can iIsay.......2007-02-19

A wonderful holiday fantasy from the Hallmark channel. With Crystal Bernard and Steve Guttenburg. A single workaholic mom bring up a great kid, Santas son read to take over the family business but must find a wife ( Mrs Claus) first. One of the most charming holiday movies made in recent years. It is a must to own. I love this movie!!!!!

2 out of 5 stars Not a good overall movie.......2007-02-11

I watched this movie with the TV muted and the closed captioning off. So my review is only based on the visual aspect of the movie.

The main thing that "stuck out" on the movie was Guteberg's growth on his lip. I found it very distracting.

I recommend watching the movie with sound on. This way you will not notice the Gute's lip sore.

Note: In the sequal it appears that the lip sore was surgically removed. Check it out.

5 out of 5 stars single santa.......2007-01-29

Great all around family movie, fun to watch, makes you enjoy the holiday sprit.
Slumber Party Massacre 2
Average customer rating: 3 out of 5 stars
  • 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 stars ... What does it all mean?
  • Should have fallen asleep during this slumber party.....
  • "T.J., you didn't give her any of your drugs, did you?"
  • 0 STARS: This filth is an insult to the horror flick genre.
  • Best Movie Evar!
Slumber Party Massacre 2
Starring: Crystal Bernard , Jennifer Rhodes , Kimberly McArthur , Patrick Lowe , and Juliette Cummins
Director: Deborah Brock
Manufacturer: New Concorde
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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  1. Slumber Party Massacre III
  2. Slumber Party Massacre
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  4. Sorority House Massacre 2: Nighty Nightmare
  5. Cheerleader Camp

ASIN: 6305976422
Release Date: 2002-09-17

Customer Reviews:

3 out of 5 stars 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 stars ... What does it all mean?.......2007-03-18

Where to begin ... :)

When reviewing horror flicks, it's often hard for me to know where to begin. First off, are we talking about a "serious" horror flick, that's really trying to scare the carp out of you ... or are we talking about a sillier flick, whose obvious and often addmitted main purpose was to partial undress young women and prance them around for a bit before killing them?

Well, to begin with, this is not a serious horror flick, nor was it ever intended to be, I don't imagine. For me, the entire "Slumber Party Massacre" series falls into the second category of horror flicks that ... well, let's just admit it, is a product of and panders to the sexual frustrations of men who simply can't get enough sex and find some amount of release in movies such as this.

While serious horror flicks sometimes explore the nature and origins of human fear, (a totally different topic) this sort of movie usually isn't even slightly frightening. And when you read the reviews written by people who enjoy this sort of movie, myself included, you'll quickly discover that it's all about various combinations of nubile and attractive young women, the extent to which said young women are completely or partilly undressed, their exposure to not very convincing danger and violence, their participation in not very explicitly rendered sex and the quality (and, perhaps more often, the lack thereof) with which these various goals are achieved.

In short ... these movies are all about sexual frustration. :)

Part 1 - the skin

Many people watch this sort of movie, at least in large part, and I include myself in this category, in order to watch attractive young women who aren't wearing much clothing. How did I "learn" this? Well, when I started allowing myself to watch X rated movies, my interest in such flicks dropped a bit. Why kid ourselves? These movies aren't scary or horrifying ... but they do feature cute girls wearing little or (in some cases) no clothing. And that's a big reason we watch. We're not seeing enough of this sort of thing in our day to day lives, and this is one way to see more. Seeing such things is stimulating ... (with quality levels varying wildly) why deny it?

Part 2 - "danger"

If it was just about skin, then this sort of movie wouldn't get made ... we'd all just watch bikini/beach movies, and that would be that. But, as most of us know, some level of perceived danger in the "story", even if it is pretty lame danger, can intensify the sensation of sexual tension in such flicks, and it taps into the energy of frustration we're feeling. Sex + Danger can be a more interesting feeling than just sex, because it acts as a sort of magnifier. Again, keeping in mind, the quality of both of these (sexuality and danger) in most flicks of this sort is pretty low.

Part 3 - Violence

Violence, in short, is about putting a quick and expeditious end to frustration. Got a problem? Kill it? In movies, I find that this kind of violence is an artistic (and I use the term losely) expression of wanting to put a rather selfishly quick end to frustration. I'm not getting what I want ... boom. Violence is about allowing ourselves to simply TAKE what we want in the most selfish way possible, with no regard for our victim or even our own future well being. And that's why violence can be a "desireable" element in such films ... it adds to the air of self gratification we're looking for.

Part 4 - Lameness

Believe it or not, the lameness of the sex and violence and danger in these movies is actually a part of the reason they work. If these movies were highly realistic and graphic in all three elements of danger, sex and violence, they would utterly fail in their intended "mission" which is to provide some guilt free guilty pleasure.

Now ... when you mix scantily clad / naked young lovelies with lame danger and violence, you're talking about a perfect vehicle for dealing with sexual frustration ... the guilt free (too lame to feel real guilt) guilty pleasure. Those of us who watch such movies more than once know this and some of us openly admit it. Feeling frustrated ... watch a slasher flick. It helps ...

Now ... are the Slumber Party Massacre movies "good" examples of this sort of flick? Well, personally, I found them uneven. In places they were fun, in places they were dull ... in places they delighted with lovely scenes of very attractive women shown to their cheasiest and shallowest sex appeal ... at other times they frustrated with scenes that were neither sexy nor appealing. In some places the faux violence was effective, in other places, just stupid.

If these movies are about allowing yourself to enjoy silly, stupid, sexual escape without any emotional depth or self exploration, this series of flicks will do the job if your needs aren't too demanding. If you're looking for the "state of the art" in this sort of movie ... well ... this isn't it, at least not consistently.

1 out of 5 stars Should have fallen asleep during this slumber party............2006-12-29

The original slumber party massacre was a pretty decent little horror film. You had the same stereo-typical characters as in other films, a killer, and some kill scenes. The killer was pretty creepy. They didn't give you a reason for his rampage, but doesn't that make it all the more creepy? Yeah, it was an I am woman here me roar movie, but all in all not bad.

When you rent a sequel to a horror movie, you expect
basically the same things as the first one. I mean, Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm, the characters and subtleties change, but the story remains the same. The "same" can not be said for Slumber Party Massacre 2.

When I watch a horror movie I always look for three things. First, is the film well made? You can have a great story line, and a great killer, but if it looks crappy, and the acting is terrible, it's not enjoyable to watch. Second, are the death sequences believable? They should be kind of gross, and have just the right amount of blood that makes you make that "eww..." face. Finally, does it end well?

First, Slumber Party Massacre 2 or SPM2 looks well made. I must say it looks much better than the first one. The acting is also much better. Crystal Bernard is a beautiful woman and a pretty good actress. She brought something special to the movie. The other girls are pretty typical, but good for a horror movie. The camera work is great, looks professional, and the script is tolerable.

Where this movie faulters is the death sequences. It's not the deaths persay, it's the killer. In the first one you had a guy with a portable power drill. Pretty cool (althought the drill was a symbol for something else.....ahem.....I am woman, hear me roar...) In this movie you have a guy with a drill strapped to the endo of his electric guitar. He runs around with his guitar, singing incredibly bad versions of 1950's hop music. You know "Go greased lightning....go greased lightning"???? Well yeah, it's that bad. I thought I rented a horror movie, not Grease 3. Because of this, there's really no tension here, you just laugh for the first 30 seconds and then hit fast forward. The only really terrifying thing, is the fact that you actually paid money for this....

Third is the ending. Yeah, it's not bad. It wraps things up, and it's nothing you can't see coming. But once again, the ending is killed by the 6 minute 50's rock chase sequence.

All in All, I thought it was pretty bad. You watch these types of movies because they are so bad...they're good. But this one is just plain bad.

2 out of 5 stars "T.J., you didn't give her any of your drugs, did you?".......2005-09-07

I double whammied myself last night with this film, Slumber Party Massacre II (1987), and the sequel titled Slumber Party Massacre III (1990). Why would I subject myself to so much bad cinema in one heaping, steaming, oozing dose? Because I'm a glutton for punishment, I suppose...now I've seen the first film, and it actually wasn't too bad (it wasn't all that great, either), but the sequels, this one in particular, were pretty crummy, which is annoying to me because the bar really wasn't set that high. Written and directed by Deborah Brock (Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever), the film stars Crystal Bernard (Young Doctors in Love), whom many may remember from the television series "Wings", along with a slew of TV movies. Also appearing is playmate Kimberly McArthur (Young Doctors in Love), Juliette Cummins (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning), Heidi Kozak (Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood), and Joel Hoffman (Pumpkinhead).

In this second installment in the series, sprite-like Bernard plays the role of Courtney, the annoying younger sister (now all grown up) to the character of Valerie, both of whom managed to survive the first film (Bernard did not appear in the first film...the role of Courtney was played by another `actress'). Apparently Val hasn't done so well, and now resides in on a koo koo farm (she's koo koo for Cocoa Puffs, among other things), while Courtney, who lives with their mother, got off a little better, suffering the occasional nightmare tied to her ordeal. As the film begins we see her in bed, having a dreamy fantasy about a shirtless, hunky dingus (we later learn his name is Matt), which is then interrupted by visions of the driller killer (scenes from the previous movie are shown, basically as filler to pad out the film). Anyway, when Courtney and her friends are perpetrating their act as the world's oldest high school students (Bernard was about 26 at the time she appeared in this film), they're part of some lame, Bangles-esque rock band with champagne dreams of hit albums and music videos (keep dreaming girls, cause your faux musicianship suck-diddly-ucks). Around this time we find out Shelia (Cummins), whose the lead singer, has access to a condo, one her father recently purchased, and the girls are planning to go up for the weekend to practice, and perhaps party (I'm using party as a verb here, a usage which I normally loathe, but I'm trying to stick to the mentality of the characters). Some lame and forgettable sequences follow, followed by an all too brief topless scene, right about the time two boyfriends show up, allowing for them to peep through the window for a view of some pitiful skin...lovely...do all the guys in these films have to be portrayed as creepy, voyeuristic perverts? Seems the gang's all here, and things are going well, except for the fact Courtney's a real poison pill as her nightmarish visions are becoming more and more realistic, to her at least (severed hand in her burger, blood pouring from the bathtub faucet, violent poultry products) often featuring a greasy 50s style rock and roller, clad in leather, sporting a vicious looking geetar complete with giant, spinning drill bit...bruther...not content to exist in Courtney's dreams, evil Fonzie comes to life and begins thin out the cast (thankfully)...

Probably the one thing that will annoy many fans of the genre is actually having to wait a full 51 minutes before the first kill...which, by the way, was actually a pretty decent one, if you dig on that kind of thing. Why do we have to wait so long? I haven't the slightest idea...it's not like anyone watches a film like this for character development or intricate storylines. The rest of the kills are middling to poor, but do involve a decent amount of hemoglobin spillage. And in case you're wondering, Bernard does not bare any skin (I didn't think she would). There was only one instance of skinnage (from Cummins), and it was pretty unspectacular. You know, one of the draws to a movie like this is the scantily clad/soon to be nekkid females, of which the film was sorely lacking. Surprisingly, the one person I expected to get nekkid, that of former playmate Kimberly McArthur, didn't, which was a real shame as I `googled' images of her (try it, it's fun!) revealing she had a most spectacular body at the time (check her character out by the pool...she's practically busting out of that bikini top). Perhaps she was trying to move away from shedding her clothes and into a serious film career, one that never really materialized...big surprise there. The characters in this film were actually distinctive, almost interesting...I'm not saying I developed fondness for any of them or cared whether or not they got nasty holes bore into them, but they exhibited a bit more individuality than I would have expected. One of my biggest hang ups with this film was with the killer himself, who came off as a cross between Robbie Benson and Andrew `Dice' Clay, with, sadly, Robbie Benson being the more dominant personality. He had the ability to pop in and out whenever and wherever he wanted and change certain aspects of reality, characteristics apparently borrowed from the Freddie Krueger character of Wes Craven's Nightmare on Elm Street films. At least there we had a memorable villain...here, the guy is just a greasy dink, one who performs the absolute worst dance number near the end of the film...no foolin'...another aspect that really ticked me off was the ambiguity in terms of the ending. I won't reveal the `surprise', but it's nothing new, and I absolutely abhor when filmmakers take the route they did here, as it's often a pathetic attempt to cover up poorly written material, shoddy directing and laziness in general (note the ridiculously obvious product placement for Pepsi, Oxy-10, and Perrier, among others), which is pretty sad considering no one's expectations for a film like this would have been very high to begin with, but then that's just my opinion.

The fullscreen picture quality on this DVD is decent, but I did notice some dust on the print. The DVD case claims some sort of re-mastering took place, but I think when they say `re-mastered', I think it means `transferred to DVD' and that's about it...the audio is about as good as the picture, meaning it's good enough to get by. There are some biographies, and a theatrical trailer, but I'm unsure if this film ever made it to the theaters, or if it was a direct to video production. Also included are trailers for some other films including Slumber Party Massacre (1982), Slumber Party Massacre III (1990), and Sorority House Massacre II (1990). By the way, when I was talking earlier about lazy and sloppy filmmaking, it extends to the whoever released this DVD as two of the three pictures on the back of the DVD case are either from other films, or possible from scenes no longer included in this 75 minute version (word is there may be a 90 minute version out there, but I sincerely doubt lengthening the film by 15 minutes would have increased my enjoyment).

Cookieman108

By the way, Sally, the drummer of the group, shouldn't be allowed to write material for the band...ever...

1 out of 5 stars 0 STARS: This filth is an insult to the horror flick genre........2005-03-29

Is it possible to give a movie NEGATIVE stars? If it was, this garbage would get a lot of them. "Slumber Party Massacre 2" is an insult to the horror film genre and an insult to the serious horror movie fan's intelligence. I mean, a rock & roll singer dancing all over the place killing people with a ridiculous contraption that is half drill and half guitar???? Need I even say more???? If you like this movie, you may want to seek professional help.

5 out of 5 stars Best Movie Evar!.......2004-10-24

How could it not be sweet? This guy shreds on a drill guitar.
Girl in the Cadillac
Average customer rating: 5 out of 5 stars
  • Erika Eleniak Movie
  • Erika Eleniak Rules!!
  • Erika Eleniak Rules!!
Girl in the Cadillac
Starring: Erika Eleniak , William McNamara , Michael Lerner , Bud Cort , and Ed Lauter
Director: Lucas Platt
Manufacturer: Turner Home Entertainment
ProductGroup: Video
Binding: VHS Tape

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Platt, LucasPlatt, Lucas | ( P ) | Directors | VHS | Video
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Similar Items:
  1. Chasers
  2. Radio Inside
  3. Revenge (Unrated Director's Cut) [Region 99]

ASIN: 6303647871
Release Date: 1995-10-24

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars Erika Eleniak Movie.......2007-01-16

This is a good Erika Eleniak movie for fans of hers. If you like Eleniak this is a movie worth getting.

5 out of 5 stars Erika Eleniak Rules!!.......2003-05-24

The Beautiful,Talented,voluptous Erika Eleniak rules in a Bank Robbery role where she wants to give the money back which makes this movie very interesting and well worth watching!!

5 out of 5 stars Erika Eleniak Rules!!.......2003-05-24

The breathtakingly,beautiful,talented and voluptuous Erika Eleniak rules in a Bank Robbery role where she wants to give the money back which makes this movie very interesting and well worth watching!!
Jackpot
Average customer rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
  • Hated It
  • It's like Candy
  • American Idol
  • Immature work
  • the Wichita linemen call home
Jackpot
Starring: Jon Gries , Daryl Hannah , Garrett Morris , Patrick Bauchau , and Adam Baldwin
Director: Michael Polish
Manufacturer: Sony Pictures
ProductGroup: DVD
Binding: DVD

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  1. Twin Falls Idaho
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ASIN: B00005RDRM
Release Date: 2001-12-18

Amazon.com

Jon Gries (<I>Men in Black</I>) and <I>Saturday Night Live</I>'s Garrett Morris star in this bizarre yet compelling little road movie. Sunny Holiday (Gries) dreams of being a singer. Rather than taking a more direct route, he works on "building his audience" by hitting tiny karaoke contests across the country. Gries underplays Sunny well, making him neither too good nor too bad a singer; his dreams seem reasonable and ludicrous at the same time. Morris makes Les a beautiful counterpoint--someone who's either a shrewd genius or completely nuts. The story line is an odd one that falls apart a bit at the end, but is nonetheless worth watching. Much like Sunny and Les, <I>Jackpot</I> is weird but surprisingly likable. <I>--Ali Davis</I>

Customer Reviews:

1 out of 5 stars Hated It.......2004-02-04

Too many cuss words, and an improbable plot made this movie a complete waste of time. Don't torture yourself. Watch Scotland, Pa instead, if you want to see a smart little off-the-beat movie.

5 out of 5 stars It's like Candy.......2003-03-17

The actor singing Cameo's "Candy" is worth the price of admission. There are some hella funny scenes in this movie-- and Garrett Morris should have won an Academy Award for this character.

4 out of 5 stars American Idol.......2003-03-16

This movie is the "Five Easy Pieces" of our time. Except that Jackpot was shot in 15 days and for 400k (budget from commentary track) which gives it a brilliant Cassevetes feel. What I love about this film is that it really depicts a regular guy trying to become a singer, this is so American Idol! Maybe the contestants on that show can watch "Jackpot" and see where they are all going to end up... selling soap door to door.

1 out of 5 stars Immature work.......2002-10-04

The only reason why I watched this movie was because I was so impressed with the Polish brothers' "Twin Falls Idaho," but this movie really disappointed me.
The first hour started out so so but had some tiny potential for getting better. It had an interesting premise, a karoake want to be singer traveling on the road with his sidekick. But then something happened completely frivolous to the plot. He meets a teenage Lolita type character for a few painful minutes. The Polish brothers just had to let this into have their fun. This isn't a serious Nabokov study and doesn't help the movie at all, easily could have been written out.

4 out of 5 stars the Wichita linemen call home.......2002-09-23

JACKPOT is one of those films that come under the "unusual" category. Written and directed by the Polish brothers, Mark and Michael, we can certainly qualify their so-called "different" credentials. This is the eclectic story of two wayward loners acting out their adolescent pipedream of future stardom. Crisscrossing the western United States on the karaoke circuit, we come to understand and share this dream of Sonny (John Cries) and his manager Lester (wonderfully played by Garrett Morris). Juxtaposing scenes from the past, present, and future, it seems everyone wants to chew some verbal butt on Sonny's irrepressible lifestyle. Humor and blind luck turn into allies as we start to warm up to their numerous pratfalls. Dropping our idiosyncratic characters into one deadpan situation after another, we almost (and I use that sparingly) build some support and hopeful outcome for unsung heroes. IF becomes a mighty word as situations spin away on a thin dime (literally). Wonderful cameos by Daryl Hannah, Mac Davis, Peggy Lipton, Anthony Edwards, and Crystal Bernard help lend this film credence and amenity. Think left of center and you're right on target. Granting a wide berth, JACKPOT strikes quirky dead center. Like David Lynch, their predecessor and mentor, the Polish bothers have comes up with another true original. Fame and fortune has never been farther.
As Good As Dead
Average customer rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
  • a very good tv crime thriller
  • Intrigue and mistaken identities
  • GREAT!
  • Wrangler fan?
  • Goodgirl tries to be Bad and is...
As Good As Dead
Starring: Crystal Bernard , Judge Reinhold , Traci Lords , Carlos Carrasco , and George Dickerson
Director: Larry Cohen
Manufacturer: Paramount
ProductGroup: Video
Binding: VHS Tape

Bernard, CrystalBernard, Crystal | ( B ) | Actors & Actresses | VHS | Video
Dickerson, GeorgeDickerson, George | ( D ) | Actors & Actresses | VHS | Video
Lords, TraciLords, Traci | ( L ) | Actors & Actresses | VHS | Video
Marshall, KathleenMarshall, Kathleen | Maberly to Mazzello | ( M ) | Actors & Actresses | VHS | Video
Reinhold, JudgeReinhold, Judge | ( R ) | Actors & Actresses | VHS | Video
Cohen, LarryCohen, Larry | ( C ) | Directors | VHS | Video
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ASIN: 6303507700
Release Date: 1998-11-11

Customer Reviews:

5 out of 5 stars a very good tv crime thriller.......2005-12-24

'As good as dead' offers three convincing roles by Chrystal Bernard, Traci Lords and Judge Reinhold. Its tense surely keeps you on the edge of your seat from start to finish.

Greatly contributing to this plot's breathtaking development is the handling of Traci Lords' character Nicole. Though Nicole dies early, her spirit lives on by Chrystal Bernard's acting out a fake-Nicole. In this way Traci Lords' shadow seems much longer than her actual appearance justifies. This unusual move represents the very essence of this great movie, by the way.

3 out of 5 stars Intrigue and mistaken identities.......2005-10-28

Two friends Susan (Crystal Bernard) and Nicole (Traci Lords) exchange identities so that Susan's insurance can cover an operation for Nicole. Looks like a small medical mistake causes Nicole's death. Or was there more too it? Now Susan officially dead and still in the persona of Nicole can not go to the authorities and enlists the help of Ron Holden (Judge Reinhold) to help sort things out. It dose not take long for us to figure it out and spend the rest of the time kibitzing. Of course Susan never listens to us.

This film was made for TV and it shows in the formula story and lo budget setting. However veteran actor Judge Reinhold does his best.

5 out of 5 stars GREAT!.......2004-04-10

This a is a great movie filled with mystery and suspense. Crystal Bernard is excellent and this is a movie I would watch multiple times. Saw it on USA TV and I hope it comes on DVD! I really think anyone who enjoys mysterious, thriller movies will like this lesser-known film!

4 out of 5 stars Wrangler fan?.......2004-03-03

If you love a handsome, strapping man in tight Wrangler jeans... this thriller with the denim clad Jude Reinhold will not disappoint.

1 out of 5 stars Goodgirl tries to be Bad and is..........2004-01-25

If you love Crystal Bernard you will want to see this video, otherwise don't. This woman has made a career of being cute and does it exceptionally well. She assumes the identity of her bad-girl friend played by former pornstar Traci Lords who is in the film very briefly. By some contrived circumstances they switch places after becoming very unlikely friends. After Traci is murdered, Crystal is stuck in her friends unhappy life. The upside of this being you get to see Crystal dress up in tiny skirts and leather. Judge Rheinhold played a creep as he often does. The ending was predictably flat.
Slumber Party Massacre 2 (Rated)
Average customer rating: 3 out of 5 stars
  • 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 stars ... What does it all mean?
  • Should have fallen asleep during this slumber party.....
  • "T.J., you didn't give her any of your drugs, did you?"
  • 0 STARS: This filth is an insult to the horror flick genre.
  • Best Movie Evar!
Slumber Party Massacre 2 (Rated)
Starring: Crystal Bernard , Jennifer Rhodes , Kimberly McArthur , Patrick Lowe , and Juliette Cummins
Director: Deborah Brock
Manufacturer: New Concorde
ProductGroup: Video
Binding: VHS Tape

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Brock, DeborahBrock, Deborah | ( B ) | Directors | VHS | Video
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Similar Items:
  1. Slumber Party Massacre III
  2. Slumber Party Massacre
  3. Sorority House Massacre
  4. Sorority House Massacre 2: Nighty Nightmare
  5. Cheerleader Camp

ASIN: 6305976392
Release Date: 2000-12-12

Customer Reviews:

3 out of 5 stars 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 stars ... What does it all mean?.......2007-03-18

Where to begin ... :)

When reviewing horror flicks, it's often hard for me to know where to begin. First off, are we talking about a "serious" horror flick, that's really trying to scare the carp out of you ... or are we talking about a sillier flick, whose obvious and often addmitted main purpose was to partial undress young women and prance them around for a bit before killing them?

Well, to begin with, this is not a serious horror flick, nor was it ever intended to be, I don't imagine. For me, the entire "Slumber Party Massacre" series falls into the second category of horror flicks that ... well, let's just admit it, is a product of and panders to the sexual frustrations of men who simply can't get enough sex and find some amount of release in movies such as this.

While serious horror flicks sometimes explore the nature and origins of human fear, (a totally different topic) this sort of movie usually isn't even slightly frightening. And when you read the reviews written by people who enjoy this sort of movie, myself included, you'll quickly discover that it's all about various combinations of nubile and attractive young women, the extent to which said young women are completely or partilly undressed, their exposure to not very convincing danger and violence, their participation in not very explicitly rendered sex and the quality (and, perhaps more often, the lack thereof) with which these various goals are achieved.

In short ... these movies are all about sexual frustration. :)

Part 1 - the skin

Many people watch this sort of movie, at least in large part, and I include myself in this category, in order to watch attractive young women who aren't wearing much clothing. How did I "learn" this? Well, when I started allowing myself to watch X rated movies, my interest in such flicks dropped a bit. Why kid ourselves? These movies aren't scary or horrifying ... but they do feature cute girls wearing little or (in some cases) no clothing. And that's a big reason we watch. We're not seeing enough of this sort of thing in our day to day lives, and this is one way to see more. Seeing such things is stimulating ... (with quality levels varying wildly) why deny it?

Part 2 - "danger"

If it was just about skin, then this sort of movie wouldn't get made ... we'd all just watch bikini/beach movies, and that would be that. But, as most of us know, some level of perceived danger in the "story", even if it is pretty lame danger, can intensify the sensation of sexual tension in such flicks, and it taps into the energy of frustration we're feeling. Sex + Danger can be a more interesting feeling than just sex, because it acts as a sort of magnifier. Again, keeping in mind, the quality of both of these (sexuality and danger) in most flicks of this sort is pretty low.

Part 3 - Violence

Violence, in short, is about putting a quick and expeditious end to frustration. Got a problem? Kill it? In movies, I find that this kind of violence is an artistic (and I use the term losely) expression of wanting to put a rather selfishly quick end to frustration. I'm not getting what I want ... boom. Violence is about allowing ourselves to simply TAKE what we want in the most selfish way possible, with no regard for our victim or even our own future well being. And that's why violence can be a "desireable" element in such films ... it adds to the air of self gratification we're looking for.

Part 4 - Lameness

Believe it or not, the lameness of the sex and violence and danger in these movies is actually a part of the reason they work. If these movies were highly realistic and graphic in all three elements of danger, sex and violence, they would utterly fail in their intended "mission" which is to provide some guilt free guilty pleasure.

Now ... when you mix scantily clad / naked young lovelies with lame danger and violence, you're talking about a perfect vehicle for dealing with sexual frustration ... the guilt free (too lame to feel real guilt) guilty pleasure. Those of us who watch such movies more than once know this and some of us openly admit it. Feeling frustrated ... watch a slasher flick. It helps ...

Now ... are the Slumber Party Massacre movies "good" examples of this sort of flick? Well, personally, I found them uneven. In places they were fun, in places they were dull ... in places they delighted with lovely scenes of very attractive women shown to their cheasiest and shallowest sex appeal ... at other times they frustrated with scenes that were neither sexy nor appealing. In some places the faux violence was effective, in other places, just stupid.

If these movies are about allowing yourself to enjoy silly, stupid, sexual escape without any emotional depth or self exploration, this series of flicks will do the job if your needs aren't too demanding. If you're looking for the "state of the art" in this sort of movie ... well ... this isn't it, at least not consistently.

1 out of 5 stars Should have fallen asleep during this slumber party............2006-12-29

The original slumber party massacre was a pretty decent little horror film. You had the same stereo-typical characters as in other films, a killer, and some kill scenes. The killer was pretty creepy. They didn't give you a reason for his rampage, but doesn't that make it all the more creepy? Yeah, it was an I am woman here me roar movie, but all in all not bad.

When you rent a sequel to a horror movie, you expect
basically the same things as the first one. I mean, Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm, the characters and subtleties change, but the story remains the same. The "same" can not be said for Slumber Party Massacre 2.

When I watch a horror movie I always look for three things. First, is the film well made? You can have a great story line, and a great killer, but if it looks crappy, and the acting is terrible, it's not enjoyable to watch. Second, are the death sequences believable? They should be kind of gross, and have just the right amount of blood that makes you make that "eww..." face. Finally, does it end well?

First, Slumber Party Massacre 2 or SPM2 looks well made. I must say it looks much better than the first one. The acting is also much better. Crystal Bernard is a beautiful woman and a pretty good actress. She brought something special to the movie. The other girls are pretty typical, but good for a horror movie. The camera work is great, looks professional, and the script is tolerable.

Where this movie faulters is the death sequences. It's not the deaths persay, it's the killer. In the first one you had a guy with a portable power drill. Pretty cool (althought the drill was a symbol for something else.....ahem.....I am woman, hear me roar...) In this movie you have a guy with a drill strapped to the endo of his electric guitar. He runs around with his guitar, singing incredibly bad versions of 1950's hop music. You know "Go greased lightning....go greased lightning"???? Well yeah, it's that bad. I thought I rented a horror movie, not Grease 3. Because of this, there's really no tension here, you just laugh for the first 30 seconds and then hit fast forward. The only really terrifying thing, is the fact that you actually paid money for this....

Third is the ending. Yeah, it's not bad. It wraps things up, and it's nothing you can't see coming. But once again, the ending is killed by the 6 minute 50's rock chase sequence.

All in All, I thought it was pretty bad. You watch these types of movies because they are so bad...they're good. But this one is just plain bad.

2 out of 5 stars "T.J., you didn't give her any of your drugs, did you?".......2005-09-07

I double whammied myself last night with this film, Slumber Party Massacre II (1987), and the sequel titled Slumber Party Massacre III (1990). Why would I subject myself to so much bad cinema in one heaping, steaming, oozing dose? Because I'm a glutton for punishment, I suppose...now I've seen the first film, and it actually wasn't too bad (it wasn't all that great, either), but the sequels, this one in particular, were pretty crummy, which is annoying to me because the bar really wasn't set that high. Written and directed by Deborah Brock (Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever), the film stars Crystal Bernard (Young Doctors in Love), whom many may remember from the television series "Wings", along with a slew of TV movies. Also appearing is playmate Kimberly McArthur (Young Doctors in Love), Juliette Cummins (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning), Heidi Kozak (Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood), and Joel Hoffman (Pumpkinhead).

In this second installment in the series, sprite-like Bernard plays the role of Courtney, the annoying younger sister (now all grown up) to the character of Valerie, both of whom managed to survive the first film (Bernard did not appear in the first film...the role of Courtney was played by another `actress'). Apparently Val hasn't done so well, and now resides in on a koo koo farm (she's koo koo for Cocoa Puffs, among other things), while Courtney, who lives with their mother, got off a little better, suffering the occasional nightmare tied to her ordeal. As the film begins we see her in bed, having a dreamy fantasy about a shirtless, hunky dingus (we later learn his name is Matt), which is then interrupted by visions of the driller killer (scenes from the previous movie are shown, basically as filler to pad out the film). Anyway, when Courtney and her friends are perpetrating their act as the world's oldest high school students (Bernard was about 26 at the time she appeared in this film), they're part of some lame, Bangles-esque rock band with champagne dreams of hit albums and music videos (keep dreaming girls, cause your faux musicianship suck-diddly-ucks). Around this time we find out Shelia (Cummins), whose the lead singer, has access to a condo, one her father recently purchased, and the girls are planning to go up for the weekend to practice, and perhaps party (I'm using party as a verb here, a usage which I normally loathe, but I'm trying to stick to the mentality of the characters). Some lame and forgettable sequences follow, followed by an all too brief topless scene, right about the time two boyfriends show up, allowing for them to peep through the window for a view of some pitiful skin...lovely...do all the guys in these films have to be portrayed as creepy, voyeuristic perverts? Seems the gang's all here, and things are going well, except for the fact Courtney's a real poison pill as her nightmarish visions are becoming more and more realistic, to her at least (severed hand in her burger, blood pouring from the bathtub faucet, violent poultry products) often featuring a greasy 50s style rock and roller, clad in leather, sporting a vicious looking geetar complete with giant, spinning drill bit...bruther...not content to exist in Courtney's dreams, evil Fonzie comes to life and begins thin out the cast (thankfully)...

Probably the one thing that will annoy many fans of the genre is actually having to wait a full 51 minutes before the first kill...which, by the way, was actually a pretty decent one, if you dig on that kind of thing. Why do we have to wait so long? I haven't the slightest idea...it's not like anyone watches a film like this for character development or intricate storylines. The rest of the kills are middling to poor, but do involve a decent amount of hemoglobin spillage. And in case you're wondering, Bernard does not bare any skin (I didn't think she would). There was only one instance of skinnage (from Cummins), and it was pretty unspectacular. You know, one of the draws to a movie like this is the scantily clad/soon to be nekkid females, of which the film was sorely lacking. Surprisingly, the one person I expected to get nekkid, that of former playmate Kimberly McArthur, didn't, which was a real shame as I `googled' images of her (try it, it's fun!) revealing she had a most spectacular body at the time (check her character out by the pool...she's practically busting out of that bikini top). Perhaps she was trying to move away from shedding her clothes and into a serious film career, one that never really materialized...big surprise there. The characters in this film were actually distinctive, almost interesting...I'm not saying I developed fondness for any of them or cared whether or not they got nasty holes bore into them, but they exhibited a bit more individuality than I would have expected. One of my biggest hang ups with this film was with the killer himself, who came off as a cross between Robbie Benson and Andrew `Dice' Clay, with, sadly, Robbie Benson being the more dominant personality. He had the ability to pop in and out whenever and wherever he wanted and change certain aspects of reality, characteristics apparently borrowed from the Freddie Krueger character of Wes Craven's Nightmare on Elm Street films. At least there we had a memorable villain...here, the guy is just a greasy dink, one who performs the absolute worst dance number near the end of the film...no foolin'...another aspect that really ticked me off was the ambiguity in terms of the ending. I won't reveal the `surprise', but it's nothing new, and I absolutely abhor when filmmakers take the route they did here, as it's often a pathetic attempt to cover up poorly written material, shoddy directing and laziness in general (note the ridiculously obvious product placement for Pepsi, Oxy-10, and Perrier, among others), which is pretty sad considering no one's expectations for a film like this would have been very high to begin with, but then that's just my opinion.

The fullscreen picture quality on this DVD is decent, but I did notice some dust on the print. The DVD case claims some sort of re-mastering took place, but I think when they say `re-mastered', I think it means `transferred to DVD' and that's about it...the audio is about as good as the picture, meaning it's good enough to get by. There are some biographies, and a theatrical trailer, but I'm unsure if this film ever made it to the theaters, or if it was a direct to video production. Also included are trailers for some other films including Slumber Party Massacre (1982), Slumber Party Massacre III (1990), and Sorority House Massacre II (1990). By the way, when I was talking earlier about lazy and sloppy filmmaking, it extends to the whoever released this DVD as two of the three pictures on the back of the DVD case are either from other films, or possible from scenes no longer included in this 75 minute version (word is there may be a 90 minute version out there, but I sincere